


A Candle for the Fallen

by Feriku



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Non-Canon Post-KH3, Roxas (minor role), Xion (minor role), at least I HOPE it's non-canon, non-canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 22:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17516744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feriku/pseuds/Feriku
Summary: The conflict against Xehanort ends in victory for the light. Sora and the others prove victorious and save most of their lost friends in the process.But not everyone can be saved.





	A Candle for the Fallen

Radiant Garden hadn’t seen such a celebration in a long time. Everywhere, people were celebrating, and the biggest celebration was in the castle itself. A large room had been cleared out for the celebratory feast as the day’s heroes and their friends rejoiced in their victory.

It had been an impressive victory, Lea had to admit. With everyone coming together, they’d saved people it shouldn’t have been possible to save.

He looked across the table at Roxas, who by rights shouldn’t be able to sit there eating ice cream when Sora sat with his own friends just a few seats away, and then at Xion, who technically shouldn’t have been able to exist at all.

He looked past them toward where Ventus sat laughing with his own friends, Terra and Aqua, and even their old Keyblade Master, Eraqus, who had been restored from within Terra’s heart. Nearby, Naminé and the Riku Replica tried to hide their smiles as Even failed—yet again—to find anyone willing to listen to his lectures on Replicas for more than five minutes.

They’d saved the day, saved the worlds from catastrophe, and almost everyone had survived to celebrate their victory.

Almost.

Not quite everyone.

Not the ones who fought alongside Master Xehanort until the bitter end, the ones who refused to see reason, the ones who had to be killed.

“Axel? Hey, Axel?”

Lea lifted his head as the voice pierced his daze.

Across from him, Xion rolled her eyes. “ _Lea?_ ”

“What?” he asked.

“Is that it?” she said. “You won’t answer to the name Axel at all?”

He blinked. How many times had she said his name before he noticed? “Sorry. I’m a little out of it.”

“Are you okay?” Roxas asked. “You don’t seem like you’re having a good time. We’re supposed to be celebrating. See? There’s ice cream!” He held out a stick of sea salt ice cream. Apparently Ansem the Wise had imported the stuff by the pound for the celebration. There was enough ice cream to last weeks.

Lea shook his head. “Not now. I guess I don’t have much of an appetite.”

Roxas and Xion looked stricken, and he suppressed a sigh. He should have just eaten the ice cream. Judging by their expressions, they’d only suspected something was bothering him before, but now they knew for sure.

“What’s wrong?” Xion asked.

Lea looked around to try to find something to change the subject, but all he saw everywhere was people spending time with their friends. Even Ansem the Wise was sharing ice cream with Mickey, and it looked like they’d given some to Yen Sid as well.

“It’s nothing,” he said.

Even was talking to Ienzo and the other surviving apprentices. The Riku Replica and Naminé had joined Sora’s group. Those kids from Twilight Town had been talking to Roxas earlier, though for the moment they were just hanging out together. Everyone was happy, together, reunited with the people they cared about at last.

And so was Lea. He had Roxas and Xion. His two friends. His _best_ friends. The only real friends he’d ever had…

“Come on,” Roxas said. “I still don’t understand a lot about human emotion, but even I can tell you’re upset.”

“I just…” Lea ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “I just wish Isa was here. That’s all.”

Roxas silently repeated the name, and confused recognition dawned on his face. “You mean _Saïx_?”

Although he didn’t say anything else, Lea knew what he was thinking. _Why would anyone mourn Saïx? Why would you_ want _him here with us?_

“But Lea,” Xion said, her voice small, “he fought against us.”

So had Terra. So had half the people in the room at one time or another.

“I just miss him,” Lea said.

He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He felt angry and upset and lost all at the same time. And it didn’t help that Roxas and Xion exchanged a glance like they really didn’t understand why he was acting this way.

His anger bubbled up to the surface. “He was my _friend_. Do you get it? He wasn’t always like that! He used to be my friend, and I _killed_ him! I struck him down with my own Keyblade, and don’t act like I should be happy he’s gone, because I’m not!”

He didn’t realize how loud he’d shouted until he noticed everyone was staring at him. And although no one said anything, he knew Roxas and Xion weren’t the only ones privately thinking,  _But it was just Saïx._

Lea jumped to his feet. “I want to be alone right now. Carry on without me.”

Then he hurried out of the castle as fast as he could.

#

Outside, the fresh air did nothing to improve his mood. Lea sat on the edge of a curb and stared moodily out at all the people celebrating the salvation of their world. Hurrah, hurrah, the world was saved, and no one should mourn the people who tried to hurt it.

He’d run through those same streets with Isa once. Those years seemed so long ago. What happened to the boy who used to tease him and follow him from one harebrained scheme to the next? When did that boy fade and leave only Saïx behind?

Footsteps behind Lea made him stiffen. It would be his friends to try to understand, or Riku to assure him he did the right thing, or Sora to try to console him again, because they seemed to think that if they just kept telling him it had to be done, he’d feel better about it.

But it wasn’t any of those people.

Master Eraqus sat down alongside Lea and looked out at the streets with him.

Lea glanced at him. From what he’d heard and seen of this guy, he was probably there to lecture him.

“Have you given him a memorial?” Eraqus asked.

That wasn’t what Lea expected him to say at all. “What?”

“Your friend. Many people are holding memorials for their friends that didn’t make it.”

Lea snorted. “Yeah, well, only the good guys get memorials. No one will appreciate it if I crash some service with a request for Isa.”

“Some are lighting sky lanterns. It’s a more private way of mourning.”

“Sky lanterns?”

“It’s sort of like a candle you let fly away.” Eraqus pointed into the sky, where a few glimmering objects drifted upwards. “You write something for the person on the lantern, and then you light it, and it floats into the sky.”

Lea watched the distant lanterns. “A candle for the fallen, huh?”

“Some people view it as a way of literally letting them go.”

It was worth a shot. He stood. “All right, where do I get one of these lanterns?”

“Follow me.” Eraqus rose and started down the street away from the castle. As they walked, he said, “Don’t be angry with your friends. They never knew him as Isa, did they? They only knew Saïx, so they don’t understand.”

“Yeah, I know.” Lea sighed. “Still hard to see them looking at me like that.”

“I know.”

Well, this was weird. Not bad, exactly. It felt good to walk with someone who had an actual _idea_ for how he might find closure instead of just telling him he should. But Master Eraqus was about rock bottom on the list of people he thought might understand.

Of course, he’d trained three Keyblade wielders. Maybe he had to be good at this sort of thing to do that. Whatever the reason was, Lea appreciated it.

“He wasn’t always bad,” he said. “I mean, he could be a stick-in-the-mud at times, but he didn’t mean anything by it.”

Eraqus chuckled. “Then I suppose you were the wild one, running off into trouble while your long-suffering friend chased after you and pretended to hate it, but somehow he always went with you the next time?”

Lea folded his arms. “Hey, it wasn’t all me! Sure, he complained about me, but we were…” Friends. His throat closed over the word. Had they ever really been friends?

“I believe your friendship was genuine.”

He looked away. “Sure. Thanks.”

They reached the sky lanterns at last, and Eraqus picked up two. Two? Maybe he wanted to send one up for Isa as well, so Lea wouldn’t be the only one doing it. Well, that was thoughtful of him.

“Where do you want to release them?” Eraqus asked.

Anywhere would do. But Lea hesitated with the words on his lips. This was Isa’s memorial. The only memorial he’d ever get, because people didn’t understand. It should be special. “There was a place we used to go. I think I can still find it.”

He started off, and the Keyblade Master followed without complaint.

At first it was difficult to get his bearings. Radiant Garden had changed a lot, and it had been many years. But then familiarity returned, and as they walked along paths he’d taken countless times with Isa, the memories wouldn’t leave him alone.

“I don’t know how it happened,” Lea said. “Sometimes I try to convince myself it was total possession, that it was all Xehanort, you know?”

Eraqus nodded, or maybe he flinched, but at any rate, he seemed to be listening.

“But I know that’s not true.” Lea shook his head. “That’s what happened to Terra, and they saved him. They even saved Even.” Did Even have a stronger will than Isa? The insufferable scientist would never let him hear the end of it if it was true. “And Saïx still acted like Isa. In a way. He was… he was whatever Braig was. It was still Isa.”

Eraqus didn’t answer, but he didn’t judge, either.

“I should have seen it happening,” Lea said. “I should have stopped it. But…” He shook his head again. “I can’t explain. Doesn’t make any sense when I try. It just sounds stupid.”

“May I guess?” Eraqus asked.

Lea shrugged. Why not? Let him try to figure out what happened between two friends to force them into a position where one struck the other down because there was no other option left.

“At first, it didn’t seem like a great change, did it?” Eraqus asked. “Because he always _was_ a little colder than you liked, someone who might say something nasty or sarcastic without truly meaning any harm. Perhaps he was just having a bad day. Then things got worse. You started to argue more. He said it was your fault, and you thought maybe he was right. You needed to give him the benefit of the doubt. So you tried to be patient. You told yourself it wouldn’t be long and he’d come around, that soon things would go back to the way they used to be. But day after day, things slowly changed, until one day you looked at him and realized he wasn’t the friend you remembered.”

Lea swallowed past a lump in his throat. Suddenly he remembered sitting on the clock tower, saying he’d never had a best friend before. At the time, that had felt like the easiest answer, to pretend Isa had never really been his friend.

But he still remembered their friendship, and it _hurt_.

“Am I close?” Eraqus asked.

“Yeah.”

He’d tried so hard, too. Saïx had convinced him they had to overthrow Xemnas. Lea did everything he asked him to do, even when he had doubts, because he believed his old friend was truly doing what he thought was right. Once they succeeded and once they had hearts again, the old Isa would return. He did everything he could, and blinded himself to the changes in Saïx.

Until Saïx wanted him to turn against Roxas and Xion.

They’d reached the outskirts of the populated areas. Lea found the narrow path between rocks that would lead up the side of the cliff. He and Isa had stumbled across it once while searching for treasure. He’d been adamant that they would find some great secret at the top, but all they found were rocks. Isa had such an _I-told-you-so_ reaction in response, Lea thought he’d never hear the end of it.

Saïx wouldn’t have gone with him at all.

“I don’t get it,” Lea said as they climbed, suddenly annoyed with himself. “I lost Isa a long time ago. I know that! So why is it so hard to let go of him now?”

“Because as long as he was alive, even as your enemy, you could hold onto hope that you might still save him. Every minute he lived was another minute when maybe he would realize he was wrong. You could tell yourself that it wasn’t too late for him.”

Lea bowed his head. “Yeah.”

“Now he’s gone, and you keep asking yourself what you could have done differently. If you had noticed the changes in time, could you have saved him? If you’d reacted a little differently, would he have listened to reason? Was there something more you could have done that you didn’t do?”

He’d been asking himself those same questions ever since he and Saïx fought—earlier, even, while preparing for the inevitable confrontation.

“He’s lost to you forever,” Eraqus said softly, “and you can’t help but feel you didn’t do enough to save your old friend.”

“That’s exactly it,” Lea said. “How do you know so much?” He glanced back and cracked a smile, though it felt forced. “Guess that’s why you’re a Keyblade Master, huh? All that wisdom.”

“I’m not so wise,” Eraqus said with a sad smile. “I’m just an old man who made too many mistakes.”

At the end of the path, Lea clambered over a rock that had gotten in the way since his last visit so many years ago, then reached out to help Eraqus up as well. They stood at the top of the cliff, where Lea once spent countless hours with Isa. Memories washed over him, memories of laughter and schemes and good-natured ribbing that morphed into something less pleasant once they were Nobodies.

Lea wiped his eyes and walked to the edge of the cliff. They could see out over Radiant Garden from there. When he’d first found it, he proclaimed that the view made him feel like he was truly free; Isa scoffed but sat with him anyway. He’d turned over every one of the rocks in search of treasure; Isa called him an idiot but checked every single rock with him. He’d declared it to be their secret spot; Isa said that was ridiculous but never failed to meet him there.

“He would have liked this,” Eraqus whispered. “Up so high, not held down by anything.”

Lea barely heard him. He wiped his eyes again. “So I’m supposed to write Isa’s name on this?”

“And a message, if you want.”

He wrote _Isa_ on the paper lantern and then hesitated. What could he write to properly say goodbye to his old friend? After a long moment, he scribbled a short message: _Our hearts are connected. I’ll find you again sometime, and you’d better be waiting for me. Got it memorized?_

It sounded corny, and Isa would have rolled his eyes if he heard it. The thought made Lea smile. “Perfect.”

“May I have the pen?” Eraqus asked.

Lea had almost forgotten the Keyblade Master brought a lantern of his own. He handed over the pen. Torn between curiosity and respect for the man’s privacy, Lea didn’t quite watch—but he couldn’t help but notice the name he wrote involved significantly more letters than if his lantern was for Isa.

“There.” Eraqus returned the pen to him. “Now we need to light the candles.”

Lea grinned and snapped his fingers. A flame appeared in the air to light his lantern’s wick. “Fire magic.”

As he lit the second lantern as well, he saw the name and message the Keyblade Master had written.

_Xehanort,_

_I hope you’ve finally found the freedom and peace you searched for._

With an effort, Lea hid his shock, because it had felt awful when Roxas and Xion stared at him like that. And he should have realized it sooner—Keyblade Masters didn’t just spring up out of nowhere, and Eraqus was about the same age as Master Xehanort.

“He wasn’t always bad,” Eraqus said.

Lea thought back over all the things Eraqus had said to him and how easily he’d understood Lea’s conflicting feelings about Isa. “Yeah. I know.”

At the edge of the cliff where Lea and Isa once sat, they released their lanterns together. The lanterns carried their messages high above Radiant Garden, a final memorial for two friends lost to darkness.

“Let’s remember them for who they were,” Lea said, “not who they became.”

Eraqus nodded.

“You know,” Lea said, “I once convinced Isa there were secret tunnels underneath Radiant Garden. Well, I’m not sure he entirely believed me, but he agreed to look. So we sneaked out in the middle of the night…”

He and Eraqus stood together on the cliff for a long time, perhaps the only ones who could truly understand what the other was going through. As they traded stories of friendships long since faded, a weight lifted from Lea’s heart.

They couldn’t change what happened. He couldn’t get Isa back, and Eraqus would never have Xehanort back.

But at least they didn’t have to grieve alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I first had the idea for this story months ago and wrote about half of it, and then I realized I'd better finish it up if I want my post-KH3 story in existence before KH3 comes out and we find out what really happens!
> 
> Oddly enough, this fanfic is based on two ideas I don't want to have happen in canon, since I think Eraqus should stay dead and I want Isa to be saved.
> 
> Yet when I was thinking about the possibility of an outcome where Lea has to kill Saïx, I realized that Eraqus would be particularly well-suited to understanding what he was going through.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this sad little story, and now we can rejoice in the fact that Kingdom Hearts 3 is almost here!


End file.
